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Rob baked my birthday cake, Nigella's Blonde Mocha Cake.



I think a birthday is a good time to take stock, I've been meaning to do this blog post for some time.

Making: the most of leftover roast chicken with a salad for dinner tonight.
Cooking: I need to cook a pavlova using my new pavlova plate (seen above with my birthday cake on it), as you can cook it straight onto the serving plate.
Drinking: Lanson Champagne (a birthday treat for myself).
Reading: I have been on a roll, after nearly a year-long break from reading fiction. I finished my two Christmas books from Rob, both Alexander McCall Smith. I finally finished Mr Wigg, which has sat next to my bed as I found it so poignant, and could see the end coming. Next up is the Book Thief.
Wanting: Some Ridgeline Pottery dinner plates.
Looking: at the Australian Open tennis online, after missing my annual tennis fix for the last three summers.
Playing: Taylor Swift's "Shake it off" on a loop just to see the girls dance.
Wasting: home grown lettuce on the girls, we hopefully put it on their plate every time we eat it, but they are not fans.
Sewing: um, nothing.
Wishing: for summer to return after a week of rain and wind.
Enjoying: Call the Midwife and Sherlock on iView. Late to the party, but that's ok. Except that I cry in every episode of the former, every birth, no matter what the outcome, big fat tears rolling down my face.
Waiting: for the girls to sleep through the night, any tips?
Liking: the abundance of flowers in our picking garden at the moment.
Wondering: how I will cope tomorrow with my first day at work after a month's holiday.
Loving: my little family.
Hoping: to blog a little more this year.
Marvelling: at the expanding vocabulary of Maggie and Elisabeth, and the way they are actually starting to talk to each other.
Needing: a hair cut.
Smelling: the oriental lilies from the garden, the tree like Barbaresco.
Wearing: my pyjamas of course!
Following: Lisa Kingston, a local flower farmer on Instagram, and working up the courage to ask if I can come and learn how to make up bunches of flowers.
Noticing: how big the ornamental pear trees that line our driveway have grown.
Knowing: I should go to bed.
Thinking: not sure how much conscious thinking goes on for me at the moment.
Bookmarking: children's toys for buying next year for the girls birthday and Christmas!
Opening: lovely thoughtful gifts and cards from my family and friends. Rob's special gift was a set of black pearls. They are beautiful.
Giggling: at the Evian baby ads.
Feeling: grateful.

I might try to do this again once a month.....

3/52

Maggie: A pensive moment in the middle of the usual dancing hilarity. These two love to dance, whilst Elisabeth has the edge on the moves at the moment, Maggie is working on her repertoire. We will eventually take them along to a dance class, but for the moment, their dancing to music on the radio or iPod makes them happy. Photo taken on a Nikon D700 with a 50mm 1.4 lens, 1/400, f 1.4, ISO 200.
Elisabeth: Taylor Swift's "shake it off" is a regular request, and here she is "shaking it off". The girls headed to care this week, and while they were happy to go, apparently they missed us at nap time. Elisabeth in particular asked for her MaPa (her hybrid between Mama and Papa when she wants us both),  and even escaped from her portacot giving her carer a bit of a scare! Photo taken on a Nikon D700 with a 50mm 1.4 lens, 1/200, f 1.4, ISO 200.

Joining in with Jodi at her blog Practising Simplicity for the 52 portrait project.

Today is my birthday so after a slow breakfast of home made waffles and opening gifts, we have spent the day at home together. I did pop out for birthday essentials, a bargain bottle of champagne and a chook to roast.

Farewell 2014, welcome 2015

Although we are all on holiday together, I haven't found the time to blog.

The weather has been warm, so we have spent time outside doing things together. Park visits, dog beach walks, a trip to a nearby national park, Mt Field, and yesterday a swim at the beach.

I feel languid, happy to sit in the sun watching the girls (and intervening when squabbles inevitably occur) with a gin and tonic in hand.

This is not to say that we've had an easy time over the silly season, hosting my family Christmas lunch at the hut (11 people to feed), and heading up north to visit Rob's family too. While mostly the girls are well behaved, recently I suspect with tiredness and excitement and a break in their usual routine, tantrums, tears, and squabbles have seemed to dominate our days. We have been trying to ensure quiet nap times in the early afternoon. When awake, playing outside usually helps too.

2014 whizzed by in a flurry of firsts for the girls and us. A return to work for me, Rob caring for the girls 50% at home until July, then the girls heading to family day care twice a week. All the things that I worried endlessly about this year ended up not being such a big deal. Returning to work has been tiring and busy, but I feel I stepped back in and maybe even up a level. Accomplishing tasks on time was even more satisfying!

Weaning the girls in early June, was something I deliberated over for weeks, hoping they would make the decision for me. Within days they were fine, not even pulling at my top for a feed. Again sending the girls to care was keeping me awake at night, especially when within a month of needing a place none were imminent. We by luck got a place with a family day carer, and we are so happy we did. Within a few weeks the girls had settled into the new situation, and are now eager to get there and have fun. Which lifted a great weight off my mind. Finally whilst we have had our share of sniffles and viruses, nothing too serious, or even requiring anything more than panadol. For that we are truly grateful, as I still worry that the girls might not be as strong as regular children.

Whilst we have been in good health, 2014 was a sad year for our family with Rob's father passing away early this year. Whilst we obviously miss him, in looking back at all he accomplished over his life, he has also provided much inspiration. His passion, energy, persistence and vision are all attributes I would like to emulate.

We are looking forward to the new challenges 2015 will bring us, but also hope for quiet moments of time for our little family. We want very little to make us happy, time to garden, to pick flowers, to keep a clean and tidy home, take photos, good food, great bread, and a glass of home brewed cider or beer to enjoy in the evening. The girls still provide us with daily laughs and smiles, as their vocabulary grows and their relationship develops.

Rob took this photo on the eve of the new year, and whilst initially I didn't like the photo of myself, I have come around to liking it very much, as there have been fewer photos this past year with me in them. Partly this is because I have been taking most of the photos, but also since weaning the girls I have put on a bit of weight, and I can't ignore it in photos of myself! Whilst this is a common new year's resolution, I do hope to rectify this with some more sensible eating and exercise this year.

39/52

Maggie: that is her classic laugh/smile face. I love it!
Elisabeth: Such a grown up girl. But they still fit the dresses as tunic tops that my sister gave them last Christmas.

Joining in a little late with Jodi's 52 portrait project.

A busy weekend and then I worked Monday instead of today meant my blogging was delayed. The girls aren't 100% either.....

I'm hoping to do a Blogtober fest over the next month. I'm aiming low, a photo for each day and maybe a few words, for the six other days of the week.

Checking in.

After my blogging bonanza in December things have slowed back down in January. Perhaps it was the lazy summer days; our month of holiday together before we both headed back spent relaxing with no deadlines.

My birthday was lovely. 35 years young. It was spent with just us. After Rob cooked my birthday request for a hot breakfast (fried ham, eggs, tomatoes and bread), we headed to a local nursery so Rob could pick out some plants for my garden. Rob has quite rightly taken ownership of my flower garden, I have not contributed a great deal the past two years, for one (or two) reason or another! So he has revised our planting, as the bulbs are two infrequent for reliable flower colour, he has picked out some perennials to add foliage and flowers too.

Back in the car (after dropping off the plants and a nappy change!), we he headed to the new Apple Shed at Grove for lunch. We snacked on a cheese and charcuterie platter (actually the girls mostly!) and tasted a range of the Willie Smith ciders. 

We are amazed at how the girls behave when eating out. They really enjoy themselves! After a quick wake us up coffee we continued on to Franklin for boxes of apricots and peaches, then onto Red Velvet lounge at Cygnet for more coffee and cake. We headed home to nap before a simple salad for dinner and a bottle of Jansz. A perfect day.

My return to work was fine. Both Rob and I have a few things to fine tune to ensure dinner and bed time doesn't run too late, but we'll sort that out. I am trying online grocery ordering. So at worst we just need to stop at the butcher. My first day was busy, adjusting to my job share situation, finding out what did and didn't happen over the past year, and getting used to our new digs on the Hobart waterfront. I enjoy my morning walk from the car park to work, but the afternoon can be warm (that won't be an issue for long), and of course  I am tired and want to get home. 

After two work days, we had four days off together. We went shopping (for a proper backpack for me!), had taco picnic in a park, took the girls for a walk at Trial bay, visited family up north for a day and today was a quiet day at home hiding from the heat. 

The breezeway was the place to be, with all six of us lazing on the cool concrete floor. Until the girls discovered the dog water bowl for the first time. This resulted in a taste test, eww! After a lot of splashing a change of clothes was needed!

Back to work for me tomorrow and Wednesday, then Rob returns on Thursday and Friday, when it will be back to just the girls and I for the first time in six weeks!

Hope you enjoyed your long weekends too.

Returning to work

We had a very quiet day today after a very warm night (for us Tasmanians), both girls were quite unsettled after 1am, which resulted in them both in bed with us.

It had cooled down considerably today, and after breakfast while Rob had some time in the garden I pushed the girls in the pram down to the laundry hut to do some washing. I could see their eyes getting heavy, so I put up the hammock, and rocked Elisabeth in the pram with one hand whilst rocking Maggie and I in the hammock.

I could have snoozed, but instead I enjoyed the moment with my girls. I return to part time work next Wednesday. After 13 months of maternity leave it will be a bit of a readjustment. At the beginning the months ahead seemed to be such a long time, and even when I had a meeting in August with my supervisors, my return still seemed such a long time away. Since Rob has been on holidays with us, I have been mindful of the return date, but instead of letting sadness or worry ruin my remaining days as purely a stay at home Mama I have tried to enjoy each day. 

So today I looked down at a sleeping, snuggling Maggie on my chest in the hammock, and later this afternoon Elisabeth in my lap on the window seat and I soaked in the moment. No iPhone. Just us. I listened to the sounds of our home, the dogs panting in the shade, the washing machine sloshing through a cycle, the buzz of insects, the breeze rustling the grass, a swallow singing above me on the washing line. I looked at the hut, Rob when he walked by covered in Lily pollen, the peaceful look on the girls faces, and high above us,

a wedge tailed eagle, slowly circling higher and higher against the cloudy sky. 

Of course I will be a bit sad to leave next Wednesday morning, but for the first six months Rob will be taking some leave to look after them at home. So I know they will be fine and enjoy some time with their Papa. I am trying not to worry about all the tasks that await my return (I have been warned a few things have slipped in my absence). Or the fact that I thought the girls might have weaned themselves by now, well that will work out too. I'm no stranger to the breast pump, so it will come with me to work, and the girls can drink expressed milk from a bottle or a cup. I am only returning at 50%, so I will still be here most of the time anyway. 

All those things I gazed at or listened to will still be here. Sure I may miss some of those big firsts, but I have witnessed so many this past year, I shouldn't let it upset me so.

Finally I worked out this morning, that just because I'm returning this year, it is not set in stone that it has to stay that way forever. Once I repay my years service, if things are not working out, we can reassess and try a different arrangement that works for our family.  

A friend commented on Facebook recently that I might struggle to cope with tearing myself away from the girls. I replied that I haven't forgotten for the first 112 days of their lives, I did just that, tore myself away as I said goodbye and left them every day in the NICU. That was hard. At least at the end of a work day I will come home to my family. 

So as I enjoy each day of my last week, including my birthday on Saturday, I will store away little memories to smile at during my work day. Of two happy girls with their Papa, a couple of German Shepherds and a small little hut. My family whom I adore in our home. How can I be sad about that?

A new year: welcome 2014

I meant to write a big post looking back at our year. I have been gathering photos into 15 second Flipograms for Instagram and if I can work out how I will try and load them up here as it summarised our year so succinctly (I managed to select only 170 out of the 12,000 we took last year!) Here's a quick summary.

Last year on New Year's Eve I posted a selfie on Instagram with the following caption.

Me. Last day of 2012. Mama of our two gorgeous girls. Wife of the most dear husband. Owned by two furry friends. Happiest at our home, the hut. Bring on 2013, one day at a time. Happy New Year friends.

2012 was a tough year for me. Ending of course with the girls' birth. Only 19 days into their hospital stay I can look back now and see I was scared, but trying to count my blessings at that moment. I knew 2013 would be hard, but I can also see the determination in my eyes and words. 

2013 was hard. We spent the first three months commuting to hospital to see our girls, and then at the end of the day we had to walk out the door and leave them there. The rest of our life was put on hold, our focus entirely on those two tiny girls and their daily improvement and growth.

I took my own advice and got through each day rather than trying to look forward to their homecoming day. I knew there was no point in setting a date, I could end up disappointed. So on that final day when the nurses (who had become our friends) told us we were free to go home, Rob and I were overcome with a range of different emotions. Joy, relief, sadness, fear, disbelief, excitement. You could feel all the tension and worry that had been bottled up for 112 days be released as we said tearful goodbyes to the nurses. I could not have gotten through those long days at hospital without Rob. 

As we walked out the hospital via the air walk, I quickly asked Rob to stop. I snapped a photo that I used to announce our homecoming on Instagram, Facebook and here. It is my favourite photo of 2013. We were overwhelmed by the comments and support as our online friends expressed their joy as they shared the feeling of relief. They had followed our hospital journey since Maggie and Elisabeth's birth day, and knew, perhaps even better than some of our real life friends, what we'd been through to get to that day.  Most people we had not met (and may never meet), but we could tell how heartfelt their comments were.

The rest of the year has been spent at home. The hut is a beautiful home, and I have now spent each season there with our daughters. Tending to those needy days of newborns in autumn. Frequent feeding and nappy changing. Two tiny babies sleeping at the same time!

Watching them start to become aware of their surroundings during winter. Those first smiles and the triumph of those early milestones of grabbing toys and rolling over. My days getting busier as they slept less and rarely at the same time. 

Come spring, and the lengthening daylight hours saw me chasing two increasingly mobile babies around the living room. A play pen became a necessity. But despite the busyness, we watched in delight as they prepared to crawl and finally did, pulled themselves up on furniture and sat up on their own. Elisabeth led the way, but Maggie was not far behind. 

Come summer, eating solids three times a day takes up a lot of a normal day. Providing a few options and helping a little (increasingly less) then cleaning the girls, their high chairs and the surrounding area is quite time consuming. But we are pleased to see them enjoy food. Favourites include meat, buttered sourdough crusts, sugar snap peas, cheese (preferably French chèvre) and peaches. They love a bath now, we usually do it after breakfast as they tend to be in a good mood and enjoy it. Lots of splashing, excited squealing and wriggling.

Of course December was a time of celebration, their first birthday, and first Christmas at home (see my recent posts to read a recap of those days). With Rob on holiday we have been going out a little more. To the dog beach, the Taste of Tasmania, shopping. The girls keenly take in new surroundings, although they weren't impressed with the noise at the taste!

We had a very quiet New Years Eve, a dinner of BBQ'd lamb and a bottle of Jansz Rosé.

I'm not really one for new year's resolutions, but I think my words from last year are just as relevant this year; bring on 2014, one day at a time. 

I welcome 2014, and look forward to new growth and experiences, to increasing love and joy. 

Free for a morning

I was given a treat this morning. Rob let me have the morning off to get my hair cut. I think it had been a year since my last hair cut and whilst I had been growing it, I had remembered recently why I haven't had long hair in a while. My hair is very thick and heavy. Combined with zero personal time meant that when I managed a shower I was just putting it up into a pony tail wet. I was a bit over it. I took Nigella in for her summer trim too. So between us we must have left kilos of hair in Hobart. 

It was odd to be on my own. I chatted to my hairdresser (mostly of course about the girls), a novelty to speak with an adult other than Rob! 

Of course he styled my hair and I knew I'd just want to go home and wash it out. But it was nice to sit and be preened.

I drank my tea too milky and too fast, just like I do at home now.

I went into new and glittery shops that have opened in the revitalised city centre. But was overcome with the bright lights, music and choice, so scurried out without a purchase. 

I darted away from anybody with a cough. Not sure when or if I'll lose that habit.

I got a new phone. I don't miss Telstra shops, that's for sure.

The shopping highlight was heading back to the big pharmacy near the hospital to buy hair dye (oh those grey hairs are multiplying), baby QV wash, breastfeeding shields and bottle teats.

I picked up one of my favourite afternoon snacks when I was at the hospital: a caramel milkshake and date scone. 

Even our little city is buzzing after my long babymoon at the hut. I have lost the ability to concentrate in such a noisy, busy environment. I also didn't realise how much I filter what I read and watch as I only have a phone to engage with the wider world. 

I seek beauty. In life. In a bunch of flowers from the garden. In classical music on the radio. In the grey goshawk as it flies across the dam. The rain pouring down my window pane. The pasture grasses starting to flower. Online friendships that are more real to me than some of my real life friends. In the kind and loving gestures of a dear husband I love very much. In the faces of our daughters.

It was fun for a few hours. But I don't really mind that I've stepped off the merry-go-round at the moment. It will help me appreciate our life at home all the more. Both Nigella and I feel lighter, ready for summer, free.

Today I know:

That winter is over. Spring has arrived. Sure we may still get the occasional cold day, but the longer days, the wattle blossom, the frogs chirping, the garden coming to life, the almonds flowering, are all heralding a new season.

Never walk away and leave a rice pudding to cook in a rice cooker. Hot cream inside all the drawers as it overflowed on the way to the kitchen floor is not fun to clean up.

Sleep is precious. Very precious.

Elisabeth loves food. Despite the early intervention guys saying to wait until 6 months corrected, (our paediatrician did admit premmies can go early), Elisabeth is ready now at 5 months corrected. She lunges for our food, drools while she watches us eat, and looks longingly at my water bottle (she thinks it's a giant milk bottle). The other night Rob was eating some home made coffee ice cream, and she kept trying to swipe it! He had to hold it above his head. We are combining purée with baby led weaning, as she prefers her own spoon or hands but will happily accept rice cereal or mashed banana from me at the same time. I haven't noticed any great difference in her breastfeeding yet!

Maggie is such a dear. Elisabeth will only sleep during the day if we hold her, so Maggie waits patiently beside me. She talks in this cute breathy way, starting off quietly but getting louder as she gets going. She loves my silly ditties and smiles every time I sing her favourite one.  I have been coaching her on rolling, so she can catch up to Elisabeth. She humours me but I suspect she will do it when she is ready.

Nigella and Claudia are still hiding out in the breezeway, snuggling each other when they think no one is watching. If they didn't eat so much wallaby poop I may let them lick the babies as much as they'd like! 

Rob is looking after all of us so well. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, working, gardening, nappy changing. Most importantly,  he is the best baby cuddler, a skill most needed here at the moment. Both girls are lulled to sleep in his arms, a smile twitching at their lips.

I love our little hut. It has been the perfect place for our babymoon. I return to work part time in late January, so I still have five months to make the most of. I am so lucky to call the hut home. 

A reflection on motherhood so far.

Before I was pregnant, and even during my somewhat truncated pregnancy, I often wondered if I would be a good Mama. Not many of my friends were new Mums recently, so I hadn't spent a lot of time around babies. As the eldest of 5 children born in 6 years (ironically no twins) I have some vague memories of helping with my younger siblings, but it was all a bit foggy. As much as I love reading your many blogs and watching how you are Mama/Mum/Mom/Mother to your children, I couldn't help but compare myself to you; motherhood seemed somewhat oblique to me. I was worried about my own skills, for want of a better word.

I read your birth stories and those precious moments when you held your baby for the first time, how you fell in love, and to be honest I was worried I may not feel it.

Also with your honesty about the reality of sleep deprivation, crying babies and other keeping it real moments, I wasn't sure I would cope with one, let alone two babies.

Now I know that at 5.5 months it might be too early to call, but I can already tell my fears were unfounded. I realised it this morning as I enjoyed a shower, a precious moment of alone time that Rob ensures I enjoy every morning (well except in the rare days I decide to stay in bed all morning thereby forfeiting my shower token).

My start to motherhood has been quite different to what I expected, and certainly very different to all those stories I read. While I wouldn't wish the premmie journey on anyone, I feel it is important I recognise all the emotions I felt and celebrate how I became a Mama. Particularly as I have no photos during my labour or the emergency Caesarian to help trigger my memory. 

This is the last photo of me pregnant, in a lovely hospital gown two days before Maggie and Elisabeth's birth. 

In the last few days as my Obstetrician balanced the risks of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) to my babies, (we still didn't know their sex), against the risks of birth at 26 weeks, I refused to think about their birth. Perhaps in a vain hope it might delay that moment until it was safer for them.

At dawn on 12.12.12, despite all our worst fears, as I lay on the operating table, with a hastily erected curtain close to my face, Rob's hand holding mine ever so tightly, I heard our Doctor ask Rob if he'd like to stand up and see the first baby's appearance, and I felt excited. She joyfully announced "It's a beautiful baby girl", and as Rob's tears fell on my face, I quietly wept as I heard Maggie's tiny but determined cry, and I felt it. A love stronger than anything I had ever felt, particularly for someone I hadn't even seen, as I became a Mama. One minute later the Doctor asked Rob to stand up again and Elisabeth entered the world screaming just like her sister, and another wave of love washed over me for my second daughter.

The girls were whisked straight away into the care of a team of Neonatalogist Doctors and NICU nurses in the corners of the room. Rob was able to take a closer look and reported back to me that they looked like skun rabbits. Once stabilised their humidicribs were wheeled past me as I lay being stitched up on the operating table.  The nurse flipped down the side so I could see Maggie (at that stage still unnamed) for the first time. But given the number of tubes and the fact she was in a plastic bag for warmth I didn't see much. 

While we were in recovery and then in my room, the adrenaline of labour kept me excited as we waited to go and meet the girls and give them their hastily finalised names.

They wheeled my whole bed into NICU and as I got close enough to see into their cribs, my emotions overflowed yet again in silent tears as I fell in love hard with our tiny, red, jelly-skinned girls. Desperately wishing they didn't have to endure such a tough start to life.

I realised then the love part of motherhood is innate. The skills side of motherhood still worried me a little as I had my first cuddles (11 and 13 days after their birth), nappy changes and baths. But I treated our 112 day stay in NICU as a motherhood apprenticeship. Surrounded by professional baby nurses and lactation consultants, many of whom were mothers or fathers themselves, I asked questions constantly. But the wisest advice given by a few nurses about how to care for babies was to do what feels right for us. 

In doing that I have surprised myself. I can be a good Mama to Maggie and Elisabeth, and I have coped so far with the intense needs of two newborns; with Rob helping me of course!

I look forward to continuing to learn and trusting my instincts as a Mama.

My first twin cuddle 38 days after their birth. Arranged as a birthday present for me by the NICU nurses. The best present I have or may ever receive.

Today, I know...

Baby snuggles are the best type of snuggle.

I can sleep through the girls crying, lights on and Rob poking me!

Mastitis is horrid. Truly. I haven't felt so sick or such pain in a long time. Labor, amniotic fluid needle drains and caesarian recovery included.

Sun, fresh air and daylight are lovely things.

Babies can poo and vomit all over the place. Although they seem to save it up for Papa.

I know I was adamant about no pink. But I have to admit, it suits our baby girls very well.

Even doing one trivial house chore a day, like dusting, makes me feel like I've achieved so much.

Rob and I are a good team. Yesterday was our 2nd wedding anniversary, we celebrated by visiting my GP for a flu vaccination. French cheese for lunch. An afternoon snooze. Rob made us mini roast lambs (he used shanks) in quince jelly with potato stacks and peas. Then more sleep.

German Shepherds are very tolerant dogs. Both Nigella and Claudia have accepted the girls into their pack. They don't always approve of their crying though.

That for tiny babies, Maggie and Elisabeth are full of character! Today they are 18 weeks old (4 weeks corrected). I got my first pre-feed, eyes open smile from Maggie today.

My blogging may be less regular, although looking back on last year, I don't want to stop. If I have time I might even bring back Monday Menu, even if only for our interest. I don't know about you, but I'm finding blogger a very tiresome program to comment on your blog posts, especially on my phone. I find Instagram or even Facebook so much easier for interactions. But I am still reading your posts. I find blogging a slightly selfish hobby at the moment, but I do want to record this very special year in our lives.
I've been thinking too about our privacy, and what to share. Do any of you have thoughts/concerns/opinions about that?

Isolated

On Tuesday it was hot here in Tasmania. The girls had been a bit snotty for days, but it had tipped over the edge to a sinister green so they had been swabbed. Whilst their results were pending we were put into isolation, at first just in a corner of the nursery, barricaded off, and forced to wear the obligatory yellow synthetic gowns, blue face masks and vinyl gloves. I sat in the corner, sweltering in that get up, waiting to feed each of our girls. The day before I'd started a course of antibiotics to combat the beginning of mastitis, so after each feed I was given frozen nappies to apply to my breasts, a welcome relief to the stickiness of the gown. Feeding was becoming problematic as the girls were too snotty to latch on for more than one suck, so would push off (heel of their hand into a painful breast) cry and try again. In the end I would let the nurse know and she would suction their nostrils (not an experience they seemed to enjoy much), their crying would exhaust them, and they'd just lie quietly in my arms. I looked down and they squinted up at me warily, tired and a bit suspicious of my mask, I'd rock them for a moment, then ask the nurses to top them up via their nasal gastric tube.
I rushed off at lunch to a physio appointment I had booked weeks ago, to get some exercises to help my post Caesarian belly. Her room was swelteringly hot, a pathetic cheap fan just pushed the hot air lamely around the room. After the initial surprise at me being here (I'd seen her early on in my pregnancy for some pelvic floor exercises), she got me to lie down on the bench so we could work out the damage. She was happy for me that I was stretch mark free (well hardly surprising when the girls had arrived so early!), and had only minimal separation of my abdominal muscles. She then got the ultrasound out to check on my inner core muscles. Last time I'd visited we'd gotten a sneaky peek at the girls who were jiggling around, kicking me in the bladder. I think my physio was more excited than me. It was strange to look at the screen and just see my muscles. She got me to lock on the pelvic floor then draw in my inner muscles around where my scar is. I did it perfectly the first time. But then I couldn't for the life of me do it again. She smiled and looked at me and said, "you're already fatiguing". I laughed, then realised I was lying horizontally in the middle of the day in a room which felt like an oven, my body was trying to tell me something. Slow down. Rest. Sleep.
After a few more exercises to try later on when I have some actual muscle fitness, I went and found some lunch and realised I was starting to feel sniffly myself. On my return to hospital Elisabeth's test had come back positive for RSV or the common cold. The nurses were lovely, I admitted I thought I was getting it too and was going to stay home the next few days to rest, and they all looked at me and said in unison "good".
The next day Maggie's test came back positive and they were moved into an isolation room in NICU.
I have stayed home really since. Of course I miss our girls, I have watched the movies of their first baths about a zillion times the last few days, I ring the nurses every few hours to see how they're going, and send Rob in with a milk delivery each day.
But I'm not moping, or sad. The nurses are looking after them far better than I could. Clearing their noses, checking their temperatures, and feeding them via the tubes to let them rest. Rob said their room is nice and quiet. The girls are doing ok, especially considering Maggie only got off breathing support last week!
I am enjoying being home. Realising it may well be my last days at home alone for quite some time. Getting some time in the sunshine (after spending our entire summer in the hospital), sleeping in after the 6am express, napping in the afternoon, catching up on correspondence, staying in my pyjamas all day, drinking tea. No fluorescent lights, vinyl chairs, noisy alarms, synthetic gowns, or untidy hospital toilets.
I should feel isolated, I guess, but I don't. I know I need a few days to recuperate to be ready for the final run to home. I truly hope my next blog post is to introduce you to Maggie and Elisabeth, at our home.

12.12.12

Sorry there may be a break in blog transmission for awhile.

The twins decided they would like to see Christmas this year, not next.

Maggie and Elisabeth were born at 5.54 and 5.55 respectively on the 12.12.12.

For more numbers Maggie weighs 777g and Elisabeth 889g.

It was all a bit of a rush and was by emergency c-section.

Maggie and Elisabeth are now in Neonatal intensive care, where they will stay for some months.

Believe me you wouldn't want to see the daily food photos from hospital!!

So I'm not sure when I'll be back here at the Hut Chronicles.

Late spring hut photos to cheer myself up

Yesterday I came home feeling tired and a little grumpy/emotional.

I have been pretty good up to now. But I wasn't feeling the best and I lay down on the window seat and if I have to be honest, I shed a few tears. Nothing serious, just regular pregnancy symptoms, and general tiredness. Poor Rob. He went outside and braved the cold and rain (after our preview of summer last Friday we've headed straight back to winter it seems!!) to pick me some more of my roses. Which are a delight.

I didn't end up sleeping that well last night (and I know this is only going to get worse!) so feel a little tired still now. I only have 12 working days left after today. Things are starting to press in from all sides as I tick off things on my to do list.

So today I need to post some photos to cheer myself up, shake me out of my mood.

How can you be grumpy if you live here?





So hopefully now I can shake my silly mood and enjoy the rest of my week.

Snap it {soft}

Good news. Mum's surgery went really well, the best possible outcome actually. No need to remove lymph glands or follow up with other treatments. So we're all very relieved.

Today's Snap it theme is soft. You can't get much softer than Nigella's fur, especially that chestnut fluff on the top of her head. It's still as soft as puppy fur.


Playing along with Sarah here.

Winter garden

Sometimes it's good to remind myself of the good things in life, the beautiful things, the furry friends who make me smile.

Of blue sky and sunshine, and a perfect reflection in the dam in the middle of winter.

Or a puppy so keen to please you, knowing that she will get praised for jumping up onto the log and sitting.

These photos are a couple of weeks old, but the garden is not rapidly growing at the moment.

We are still harvesting rocket for salads a few days each week.

The golden shallots are looking promising, I imagine each plant with 6 fat little golden bulbs underneath, and look forward to the harvest in summer.

Our collection of Tasmanian eucalypts are starting to take off on the fence line, hopefully providing a screen one day.
This week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride for many reasons for me, but infinitely more so for my mother, who has had an unwelcome diagnosis and awaits surgery next week. Whilst I try never to take my life and family for granted, every so often something like this will jolt me into realising how lucky I am. That silly things like washing machines breaking down or cracked car radiators that need replacing really are not that bigger deal in the grand scheme of things. To make the most of every moment with those you care about.
I hope you have a relaxing weekend planned. I'm hoping to retreat to the hut, weed some garden beds and help Rob plant the nine new fruit trees we just picked up from here.

Snap it {yesterday}

Yesterday was chilly in Hobart. I worked in my office all day and only popped out at lunch time.
So the only photo from yesterday is this one I snapped whilst I waited for Rob to pick me up.
I wore quite an eclectic ensemble.

My tan boots from here.
My bargain raspberry red skirt when we visited Cygnet earlier this year.
A blue knit top from my new favourite online store.
My moleskin blazer (that is actually a mans jacket) from here.


Playing along over at Sarah's today.